i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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