I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
