i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
