its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
