somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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