Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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