I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
