i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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