hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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