1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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