Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
