Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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