I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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