ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
