My liver just broke up with me...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
