But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
