I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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