I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
