hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
