I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
