using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
