i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
