she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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