Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
