in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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