You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
