oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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