i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
as a side note pls kill me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
