Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
