Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
