no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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