alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
