she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
