He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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