Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
