A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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