You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
