I can tuck mytits in my pants
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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