what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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