seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
