She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
