My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
