You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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