the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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