my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
