Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
