This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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