he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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