I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
