Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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